-'Hi..'
-'Hello..'-'How was your day?'
-'Yeah..it was fine. Nothing specific to say'
-'Well there must be something. No day goes without an event'
-'Could you ask anything else. Like a meaningful question perhaps'
-'Well then, tell me about your feelings'
-'Now you speak strangely!'
-'See this is what happens. You retreat and create barriers around when I try to seek you'
She felt silent and detached herself from the conversation. Every day, she fought her demons, which lurked inside, feeding on her thoughts. Every evening they would raze her mind, wrecking havoc and putting to rest any pure thought that came in their way. And yet she fought. Because that's how she survived. Battling through the night, she wakes up next morning in the embrace of the same demons.
-'Would you like to sit down and have a talk'. He persisted with the hope of finding the truth in her.
Sitting down for dinner, the conversation shifted to paychecks, pubs and petty politics, that make the most of our lives. She found comfort in heated food and lifeless banter. And she continued to explain how she didn't have time for the peripherals. How her glittering weekends are filled with cacophony. How she was having fun in her sexual encounters and did not want to look any further.
And he continued with mundane questions which had equally trivial answers. That is how it was each day till today.
-'But you haven't answered yet. What about your feelings?'
-'Why do insist on that. Do not try to know me.'
-'Give me one reason why shouldn't I', and he held her gaze. For a brief moment it seemed the evening will rework from its taciturn nature towards a rewarding night.
But yet again she was diffident and refused to give away her defense.
-'When was the last time you loved someone?, he puts across a courageous question.
-'I have been out of love for a while now. In fact now that I think of it, it is not worth thinking at all.'
-'So you saying there is no such feeling?'
-'It is a calculated game. And it depends on your ability as to how long you can play it out. And I prefer the shorter version.. It's pacy, thrilling and rewards immediately.'
-'It is strange the way you put it across. But can't deny that it has the excitement.' He looked down trying to search for some words which might have been lying on the floor. But there was nothing else in that room except their inhibitions and insecurities.
- 'Could you answer me something honestly?', his last question.-'Not again. What is it that you want to know so desperately!'. She lost her temper in that moment.
He leaned forward and held her hand. 'How are you?'.
She didn't have an answer to that. Not the answer which she would like to believe was true. Not the answer on which she could rely on.
Sometimes the most irrelevant of our times create relevant circumstances which we find difficult to embrace and acknowledge. We are to afraid to hear our truth in those moments. And thus it goes on- the same questions every evening to which we have standard responses. Nothing beyond that; nothing out of ordinary.
